By Ashley McGrath
The coming-of-age experience tends to be glorified in today’s media as a time in which young people can find themselves and finally gain independence. This romanticized viewpoint is seen in popular television shows such as “Gossip Girl” (2007) and “The Summer I Turned Pretty” (2022). Both of these shows focus on the coming-of-age experience in terms of falling in love for the first time, and making new friends, yet barely touch on the more difficult parts of this stage of life. Noah Kahan’s song “Growing Sideways” from his most recent album Stick Season (2022), reveals the coming-of-age experience to instead be a time full of hardships and unexpected challenges. In it, the 28-year-old indie-folk singer-songwriter speaks directly to contemporary young adults as he opens up conversations that are typically silenced in relation to family trauma, mental health, burn out, and self-discovery.
Kahan’s music consists of thoughtful and emotional lyrics that have the ability to turn pain and heartbreak into something beautiful. Oftentimes these powerful lyrics are hidden behind a banjo playing an upbeat melody, but once you take a closer look it becomes clear that Kahan is singing, with honesty, about issues like grief, loneliness, and substance abuse that many shy away from due to the stigma attached to them. “Growing Sideways” combines Kahan’s raw lyrics with an honest discussion about mental health and self-discovery to tell a story that so many young people can relate to. This song portrays a realistic representation of what it’s like to grow up in today’s society, and his music lets his young adult fans know they’re not alone in these painful experiences.
Without filters or glorification, “Growing Sideways” depicts the feeling of being stuck in one phase of life when society tells you that you need to be moving forward. Traditionally, after college, people get a job in the field they have a degree for, move out of their childhood home, get married and have a family… but what happens when it seems like everyone around you is moving through life in this way and you are still working for minimum wage at your local grocery store? Contrary to popular belief, many people don’t actually feel as though they are making the amount of progress society tells them to as they transition into adulthood. The chorus repeats the line, “‘Cause everyone’s growing, and everyone’s healthy I’m terrified that I might have never met me,” which perfectly captures the way that many young adults compare themselves to the people around them, and how they feel as though they need to be making progress so much faster than they are. The issue with this is that they don’t even truly know themselves yet, which makes progress feel like an impossible task. Looking around at your coworkers, your peers, and even your family members it is so overwhelming how quickly it appears people are achieving their goals, while you are still stuck in the same place you’ve always been.
Young adults today pour their time and energy into everything they do, yet still find themselves falling behind as they watch the people around them advance through life. With all that pressure, burnout doesn’t just seem common- it feels inevitable. According to a survey done by the New York Post, a quarter of Americans experience burnout before the age of 30 (“Quarter of Americans”). Kahan perfectly captures this feeling in “Growing Sideways” through a metaphor comparing himself to an engine of a car when he says, “if my engine works perfect on empty I guess I’ll drive.” In this metaphor, the idea of the engine being empty represents the emotional exhaustion that one quarter of young adults feel during their transition from a teenager to an adult. However, even though the engine is empty, he decides to continue driving anyway, and despite this exhaustion there is no choice but to persevere and keep moving through life. During the overwhelming transition from adolescence to adulthood, young adults often feel exhausted, as if they are just floating through life without contributing anything meaningful. Yet, Kahan tells them to persevere and keep moving forward, even if it feels like your engine is on empty.
Additionally, Kahan breaks the traditional coming-of-age narrative by talking about the mental health struggles so many young adults face. As of 2022, 36% of young adults ages 18-25 experienced mental illness (“Mental Illness”). However, it is not talked about enough amongst this generation. “Growing Sideways” opens the conversation on mental health by referencing a therapy session where family trauma is talked about, and how this trauma has stayed with him his entire life, no matter how much he tries to bury his emotions. He says, “I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them,” referring to generations of trauma that were never properly addressed. Now he is trying to work through three generations of damage all on his own, which is such a daunting task.
Kahan also dives into the struggles of depression and the idea that it’s easier to feel nothing than face all the hardships that come with growing up. Rather than endure all of the suffering adulthood has thrown his way so far, Kahan states that, “it’s better to die numb than feel it all.” About 280 million people worldwide experience depression, yet according to Mental Health America, only one third of people suffering from depression seek mental health treatment (“Depression”). Kahan’s brutally raw lyrics speak directly to those who feel this sense of numbness everyday, challenging them to speak about this struggle and seek help instead of suffering in isolation.
The entirety of the song “Growing Sideways” challenges the conventional way that the transition into adulthood is understood. Instead of focusing solely on the magic of self-discovery, first loves, and making new friends, he fearlessly explores the hard topics people often shy away from as he unpacks his own family trauma, mental health issues, and the winding path to self-discovery. As he speaks to the young adults of today’s generation, he tells his own story with unrelenting honesty, connecting with young adults by showing them they’re not alone in their struggles.
Works Cited
“Depression.” Mental Health America, 7 Jan. 2025, mhanational.org/conditions/depression/#:~:text=Depression%20is%20never%20a%20%22normal,from%20a%20mental%20health%20professional.
Kahan, Noah. “Growing Sideways.” Stick Season. Republic Records, 2022.
“Mental Illness.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness#:~:text=Prevalence%20of%20Any%20Mental%20Illness%20(AMI),-Figure%201%20shows&text=The%20observed%20prevalence%20of%20AMI,50%20and%20older%20(13.9%25).
“Quarter of Americans Experience Burnout by 30.” New York Post, New York Post, 11 Mar. 2025, nypost.com/2025/03/11/lifestyle/quarter-of-americans-experience-burnout-by-30/.
Ashley McGrath is a senior in SUNY Cortland studying Early Childhood/ Childhood Education. She is currently a dance teacher at a local dance studio, and a substitute teacher in a nearby school district. In her free time she enjoys reading a book on the beach and having movie nights with her friends! Within the next few years Ashley plans to get her masters degree in ELL Education.