College dating is hard. As a wide eyed freshman, I thought that I would meet my husband at college.
Here I am three years later; still single and slightly more grounded into reality.
The “hookup culture” in college hit me like a truck. As I reflect, though, I am proud of the way I have navigated it. This week, I spoke to some women who are students at SUNY Cortland and asked them how they feel about how normalized casual sex is during the college years.
The first thing I picked up on was that many of the interviewees expressed severe self conscious sentiments. From what I’ve personally experienced, I can say that these deprecating feelings can absolutely stem from bad experiences with relationships in college and the hook-up culture which has infected campuses.
I think our generation is very progressive. I am a feminist; I strongly believe that everybody should have complete control over their bodies. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with having safe sex and I don’t think that there is anything wrong with being completely celibate. I am not one to judge and honestly, it is none of my business what you do.
I just hope you are having a good time.
I do, however, think that there is an unspoken pressure to be having sex during these years of our lives even if it’s not fulfilling or making you happy. We, as students, have undeniably full plates. Everyday we are faced with challenges that seemed unimaginable the night prior, yet we often still feel the weight of feeling like we need to have the “college experience”.
When asked how she felt about the idea, third year student, Haile, stated “I realize that everyone is more concerned with themselves comparatively, but it still is hard to not try to be as trendy, funny, or as pretty as the person in front of you.”
Going out and doing things that you may is considered by many to be a right of passage. There is pressure to look a certain way, date certain people, and be certain places but after a while, it just becomes too much.
I believe that hookup culture is a root cause of larger problems like body dysmorphia, depression, toxic relationships, and poor self esteem.
Anastasia, another student, said, “If you’re in your 20s and not in a relationship, there’s this unsaid pressure that you have to be the prettiest, skinniest, most flattering, muscular version of yourself in order for men to want you – in deeper hope that they’ll want you for more than just your body even though that’s what lies in today’s hookup culture.”
She continued “There’s days where I flip flop between starving myself and basically binging to attain enough. I do all of this just for the wrong kind of attention I don’t even want, and it’s deteriorating my self body image”.
It is not breaking news to hear about the newest Title IX case, and how consent needs to be talked about more. After all, it is not uncommon for sex to be expected after a night out or a date, even though it is by no means mandatory.
Consent is a severe problem which every woman worries about. Never leave your drink uncovered, never leave your bestie by themselves, if you see another girl alone- you make sure she is okay. There shouldn’t be so much worrying about going out, but every woman knows these things because your life could be in danger if you don’t.\
Women are sexualized enough as it is. The double standard in hookup culture is another tool in oppressing women. Men are praised for collecting women like trophies; whereas women are called names such as whore or slut. Men are seen as gentle and kind if they choose not to have sex; whereas women are called prude. By normalizing the objectification of women, hookup culture thrives.
I think it is important for women to stick together, protect, and empower one another everyday.
We deserve to be treated with respect.